“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.”
A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing my manuscript and blog over lunch. She took a deep breath, and in her direct and gentle manner, asked if I thought it was a good idea. “I understand why you wrote it, but I’m afraid you will attract the wrong kind of reader. The title and the language aren’t you. They don’t accurately represent who you are as a person”.
She was wrong about the title not being who I am: I write letters…and I was the wife of a whoremonger (I reminded her the word is in the Bible).
She was right about the language. The offensive language of Letters From a Whoremongers’ Wife isn’t my language. It is the language of my ex-husband and it is the heart-piercing, name-calling, self-esteem killing language I lived with for a long time. Omitting it from the book would sugar-coat the nightmarish life my children and I were forced to live. I ‘covered’ for my husband for many years…therefore I lived a lie. When I began writing the truth, my healing began. Releasing the burden of secrecy opened my heart to begin accepting forgiveness for myself and extending it to my ex-husband. And it allowed me to move forward with my life. Removing the grit from the manuscript would be too much like covering for him again. I can’t do that. I like the way this transparency thing feels…
Yet….I respect my friends’ opinion, she has never steered me wrong. She was one of the few who knew the truth as it happened…she was with me during some of the most difficult times of my married life…her advice and comforting presence kept me grounded when I wanted to take flight. She loved me even when I lost my mind and ‘acted a fool’. So with deep respect and gratitude, I gave heavy consideration to what she was now saying. For several days, her words pecked around at my conscience….bothering the devil out of me. What to do? Ultimately, I can’t remove the truth. The best I can do is offer an apology. I apologize for the language you’ve read in the excerpt. There’s even more in the (still unpublished) book…so I’ll apologize in advance for those words.
I’m sorry… It was my real life. D