Be careful who you love.
This morning I heard from a friend, just before she entered a courtroom for a hearing that will change her life.
“Prayers please. I’m a mess”, she said.
I attempted encouragement, but I knew my words were inadequate. I knew what she was feeling, thinking. I also knew time, not words, would help. I felt helpless, heartbroken for her…I wanted to do something, so I offered words; knowing they would make no difference to her today.
She’s been with me all morning. I’ve seen her face every hour. Images of our history keep floating thru my thoughts: soccer games, soccer practice, scouts, school meetings, field trips, church, dances, parties. Why did her love affair with the love of her life end today? This way? Death would have been better than this. I knew the answer to my question before I asked it of myself: Because she was fooled by a lying whoremonger; a narcissist. She dedicated her life to him and their family. Their businesses. She thought of herself last; everyone else came first. None of that was enough. Not for him. It never is, not for a selfish man or woman.
She is hurting today. So are the children. Thinking of them, I was reminded of a letter my son wrote, in the days of our own life changing event. A letter my friends’ husband actually responded to. He was incredulous, unable to believe Crisco had done such things. Yet, this man was already living a similar, destructive, secretive life. But he thought he was different; he felt he would never be caught. Garrett’s letter should have been an indicator of things to come, a warning; a lesson to learn before losing the most precious, important people in the world. But he thought he was above it all, smarter than the rest. He was wrong.
Fathers, Who do you think you are?
By: Garrett Able
Written yesterday at 4:17 PM, August 4, 2009
Fathers, who do you think you are?
Who are they exactly? Dad, Father, Pops, all these names are talking about the first true hero in our lives, the first real “Man”. As kids we are always saying, “My dad can beat up your dad!!!” And the rebuttal, “Well, MY dad can lift that car and put it on your dads head!”
As kids we are so in love with our fathers. As we grow older we become more and more like our fathers because our admiration towards them is more than we can understand. It is so strong sometimes, you take on every characteristic of your dad. And to a loving father, this is the greatest sign of admiration! Of an unconditional Love that runs so deep…the jelly sandwich he made you the night before last was the most amazing bit of food you ever ate. And the one tomorrow will be better even than THAT one. What I don’t understand, is why do some wish they had a better life?
I was seven when my dad showed me his better life. Instead of doing what most dads do and leave their family, my dad was sick minded enough to take me along. Her name was Lorraine*, she lived in Pine Log, not far from my house. My “Father”, my “Hero”, would take me “fishing” but before we got to the lake we would pick up this woman from the country corner gas station. She would then join us and once we got to the lake I would take my rod and fish while my father left me. I was seven. A child. Once he had his fill of filth he would retrieve me. Tell me, ‘don’t tell mom I had a friend.” This continued for the longest time, this secret life I was forced to share with my father, all the while I was there watching, listening and hurting. I was seven years old when I became a bigger man than my father. On the way to tennis practice, we all ended up at the country corner store one evening…my mom, me, my father and Lorraine. I turned to my mom and told her, ‘this is dads’ friend”. She asked me what I meant and hell broke loose in the store when I described the relationship between my dad and this woman. In front of me, my father denied what I said. In essence calling me a liar. My father broke my mothers’ heart through me because he didn’t have the balls to tell her himself.
This happened two more times, (that I’m aware of), the most recent was two weeks ago. I am 19 years old. Except I feel like I have been 25 since I was 12. My father had a wife who would NEVER leave him. A BEAUTIFUL wife, a loving daughter, and me. His “Buddy” he called me. I am successful, smart, funny, talented, loving, compassionate towards others…but he didn’t want me enough to stay, or any of us for that matter.
The Love that ran deep has only made a scar. I am nothing like my father. At twelve I knew I didn’t want to be like him. My hero died on the beach of Lake Allatoona.
So this is to you fathers out there: If you are faithful, stay that way. You will be rewarded greatly with Love and happiness and moments where your children want to squeeze you because they love you so much. And kisses from your wife that make you melt like it’s the first kiss you ever had. You will see your children grow and look at you like, “There is Superman, he is sitting right there in front of me…across the table and he is my Dad. MY dad.” Your daughters will mold who they want to LOVE out of you!!!! You, who cuts the lawn and drinks out of the jug of milk and chokes on it when your beautiful wife comes into the kitchen and catches you. DON’T LET THAT GO!!!!!!!!!!
To those of you who are not faithful, it’s time to rethink the pros and cons. YOU WILL BE DISCOVERED!!!! YOU WILL BE UNVIELED!!!! YOU WILL BE MADE TO LEAVE!!!!! Because you are WORTHLESS!!!!!
But I do Forgive him.
If you are tagged it’s because you either already know, can help my mother deal with this, or because I think you should know.
Yes…please, be careful who you love ~