It was twenty-eight years ago today that my life changed for better or for worse. And except for producing my two children, it was mostly for the worse. The bride in the photo is me, on the day my life changed. When the photo was snapped, I was naively unaware that within a few hours, I would become an abused woman. I stayed in the marriage almost twenty-four years.
Why did you stay so long?
Without fail, that question is asked. Every reader of Letters From A Whoremonger’s Wife, at least those who decide to contact me, eventually ask the question. Friends, family who know…most of them have asked. The truth is, I have many explanations. It’s just not that simple to pin it on one, single reason. There are many reasons I stayed and none of them are logical or good. Not now, now that my rear-view vision is 20/20. But at the time, in the midst of turmoil and uncertainty, unrealistic thoughts seemed logical.
So I say this today: If you are in an abusive relationship, be it emotional, physical, verbal or financial abuse. Leave. Go. Get Out. He is not going to change. Barring a major miracle (don’t count on it), she is not going to change. It is not better for the children if you stay. And regardless of what your abuser says to you, your family and friends, your doctor and co-workers will believe you and they will help you. Tell someone and you will find support. Your silence enables your abuser to continue his or her assault. Your silence helps no one but the tormentor.
In the past couple of months I’ve become involved with the Peach Project (founded by Amanda Beckmann). Since then I’ve come to know strong women who have been shot and survived; strangled and survived. But now, I also know heartbroken parents who have lost children and children who lost a parent, to domestic violence. Things need to change. They have to change. The Peach Project hopes to make it easier for victims to confide in their physicians and nurses. If you are a doctor or a nurse, a dentist or an orthodontist…please contact me via this email: DanitaAble@live.com I will get information to you on the simple, no cost way you can assist your patients who may be victims.
Domestic Violence is not prejudiced or selective. It crosses all racial and socioeconomic lines.
Much Love and Many Thanks,